The second time I went skydiving, I was nervous from the moment I got in the plane because I already knew the stomach in your throat feeling I was about to have. Also, this time I was strapped to the pot-belly of a redneck named Bubba. I had a rough landing that resulted in an ankle injury and have never jumped from a plane since that fateful day. Note to self: one should seriously question putting their life in the hands of a man named Bubba. Keep that little pearl of wisdom tucked in your back pocket--I'm sure it'll be useful someday.
Now, it's not the labor that I'm afraid of. As bad as that may be, it lasts for only a short time. It's not the actual infant, either. I've learned that they don't break, even though they look like they should. I'm afraid of having another infant like Elliott--one that doesn't sleep, has a hard time nursing, and in general is a miserable baby. Cool kid now, but daaaaang she did not like being a baby.
|Elliott, at 8 weeks with our beloved Westie, Brian.|
And then I was humbled. Boy, was I ever humbled. Turns out all of those frowny-faced people in the commercials looked like they were eating popsicles at Disneyworld compared to how I felt. I didn't think there would ever be a way out.
Luckily, I have an amazing husband who supported me without questioning me or making me feel incompetent or crazy. He was just there for me. If I cried, he hugged me. When I shared deep dark thoughts and feelings, he listened and sought ways to make things better for me. He stayed up through the wee hours with me. And it wasn't just my husband--my wonderful parents embraced me and were helpful, as were my in-laws. There were others, too. One in particular--a wonderful and worthy woman that I attend church with had "been there" before and she helped me feel normal and she has helped me realize that I can handle another child and that things can be different this time.
|Elliott at 5 months, with her BFF.|
To cheer the mood, I'll leave you with the quote of the day from Elliott:
"Mom, will you please play games with me? You can be the winner."
That girl sure does know how to get me off the couch. A guaranteed win? Why, thank you child. I'll take it.